People Who Deserve it

 

Are there people you come across on a daily

basis who just plain tick you off. Often these

people's habit's have become so routine 

to them that they don't even realize how God damn annoying their mere presence truly is.  Perhaps you live with Mr. Doesn't refill the ice tray, work along side cubicle phone screamer, or maybe you even are the resolution gym hogger 

The blog "People Who Deserve it" call out those gems who wear jeans to the gym (why?),  "indescretely" pick their nose, or people who just plain creep you out like Ronald McDonald. I've listed my top five favorite offenders who I am sure you have come across during your lifetime. If any people in particular seem as though they go out of their way to ruin your day, then feel free to leave a comment:

1.) Bad breath boss:

Here at PWDI, we believe in hygiene and not much else.  So when a particular douche-nozzle fucks with the one thing we hold dear, it’s a fair bet we’re going to call that bastard out. Big time.

Bad Breath Boss, guess what? It’s your turn. We’ve had just about enough of your condescending pep talks and rampant halitosis. If we wanted to smell like an onion bagel and feel bad about ourselves we’d shower at H&H.

Please in the name of baby Jesus, brush your teeth, chew some gum, have a mint, maybe see a specialist, because when you talk it smells like the plague, and we’re not allowed to bring a SARS mask to work.

And if you continue to violate our nostrils with the smell of hot trash, we’ll have no choice but to rip that DeVry diploma off your wall and shove it down your stink hole. You’ve been warned.

2.) Don't disturb waiter:

Last time we checked, a waiter’s job was to wait on the people. A modern day servant if you will. A modern day servant making more tips than we’re making writing this stupid blog, or pretending to work while we watch cat videos on Youtube.

But some of these skivvies just don’t get the point. Like they’re doing you a favor by bringing your food - plopping it on the table like gruel in an orphanage. You’re missing a fork and there’s a toenail in your risotto? Well too bad sucka, ’cause your waiter’s too busy doing lines in the bathroom and looking pensive by the bar.

Next time you have to deal with this menial serf, go ahead and read him the daily specials: bangers and mash with a side of black eye.

3. Resolution gym hogger:

Ahhh, new year, new crop of hackneyed gym goers. You know the ones. They eat 79 donuts during the holidays in anticipation of fulfilling their new year’s resolution. “This year, Will be the year.” Um, pardon our pessimism, but no, it won’t. Don’t get us wrong, we’re big proponents of getting into shape (we need to keep our stamina up in order to outrun angry mobs). You, however, will join our gym and hog our machines for the first 2 months, until you realize the treadmill is equally as horrible as it was last year, and your Tivo’s getting way too full on this new “workout regime.”

Allow us to shorten the process by offering you this exclusive one-day-only registration special. You pay nothing, and we make the thought of the gym so painful, you stay home and cry off those extra pounds.

4. Passive agressive emoticon user: 

Sorry team, you’ll be working late again tonight  Looks like we’re gonna have to let you go Oops, I ran over your cat  Do any of these statements make you feel good? No. So why then, does Passive Aggressive Emoticon User feel the need to end each thought with a rage inducing smiley-face. Or worse, a wink?We’ll tell you why. Because she’s a horrible bitch who takes pleasure in other people’s misery. Should you have your very own PAEU, remind her that projecting her pathological disorder on others is unacceptable by replying to her next email with your own emoticon. What’s the symbol for broken face again?

5. Dude who takes monopoly way too seriously:

When it comes to board games, some friendly competition goes a long way. Keeps things interesting.

But, then there are those who treat every game like a death-match with Dolph Lundgren, turning an exciting game of chance into the most excruciating three hours of your life.

It’s times like these when you need to step back, take a deep breath, and remind “Dude Who Takes Monopoly Way Too Seriously” to chillax.

After all, it’s a game involving fake money, plastic properties and a petite chienne. It’s not the end of the world if you don’t land on Pennsylvania Avenue.

So instead of going all Gary Coleman, threatening  to not participate if you don’t get to play banker, how about you pull up your diapers, temper that tantrum and roll the dice. Don’t make us crack open your community chest.